FIRST, my apologies for neglecting my blog readers.
There’s a good reason though, and a perfect example of how surrendering to your Soul’s secret agenda, even if it’s just one baby step at a time, will always bring the reward of moments of intense joy.
I never imagined I would be having so much fun being a podcaster. Six months ago, I mentioned to someone that I wanted to do a podcast, and four months later, an email showed up in my inbox that led me to exactly what I needed to plan, design, record, produce, and promote my own podcast–in just three weeks.
As usual, my psyche had taken control, but only because I didn’t resist. There’s no other explanation for that achievement. For three weeks, I was oddly intensely focused and calm at the same time.
In hindsight, I don’t even know how I did it, but the intensity of fun is an indication that it’s the right thing to do, as well as 167 downloads already.
Over the years, when people have asked me what I wanted to do as a child, for the life of me, I had no memories about it.
Now, I’m embarrassed to share that during the three-week podcast creation period, a childhood memory emerged from my unconscious:
I’m about eleven or twelve.
My father presented my sisters and me with one of those
old cassette recorders, with a plug-in microphone.
I recall having a ball pretending I was a talk-show host.
It seems after hibernating in my womb of midlife reconstruction, the new version of me being birthed is demanding that I follow through on my childhood desire.
What about you? Do you remember your childhood dreams? Did you bury them like I did, and if you did, have they found a crack through which to remind you of what they were? Not until after I had accepted the irrational call to study depth psychology as my life was falling apart did I remember that in high school I gave up on the idea of being a psychologist because I couldn't envision how I could possibly get there.
Often, it takes something falling apart and giving up control of the need to fix things, and instead surrendering to a higher part of yourself (or God). Releasing control frees up energy and presents the opening you need for those buried parts of you to sneak out of the closet, for your deepest desires to find a way into consciousness.
This is the reward for embracing a period of unraveling, find meaning in it, and then surrendering to what that something new is that wants to be reborn–it was there all along.
NOW, onto what I want to write about in this post . . .
My psyche must have thought I had enough material to work with over the past couple months. No dreams. Until . . .
I was outside, in the middle of an ash storm.
A male friend was up ahead.
I held my arm up to protect me from the ash,
as I desperately tried to catch up to him.
I couldn't see anything, except the outline of his body.
Then I was in my friend's house.
I had slept in an extra bedroom, by myself,
and I was looking for the bathroom.
I walked into the living room where my friend was standing.
The floor was covered in bouquets of flowers, everywhere.
It was so beautiful.
Then he handed me a plant and asked me to wrap it up.
I didn’t know why.
The Language of Soul/Psyche is the Image
The image of the ash storm was surely prompted by my binge watching the week before of the eight-episode Netflix series, Katla, which takes place and is filmed in Iceland. A catastrophic eruption of subglacial volcano Katla (a real volcano that has erupted twenty times) turns a nearby community's world upside down as mysteries begin to emerge from the ice. The viewer is taken on a supernatural journey that showcases the impacts of grief and trauma with folklore elements and a sprinkling of sci-fi. It’s fantastic!
I had been preoccupied with the imagery of the show for days–no color except varying shades of grey, contrasted by an occasional pink raincoat worn by some of the characters. Volcanic ash took the place of rain, and the trauma of loss after the eruption from a year ago weighed heavy on the village of the few hundred who stayed behind. Without giving away too much, layered on top of this backdrop was a mystery related to becoming conscious of the projection of the grief and trauma in one’s inner world onto the outer world.
My psyche needed more though, and the dream didn’t happen until the night before I was to reconnect with a male friend that happened to be visiting the state.
Uh oh! When he unexpectedly called me, I felt that old awkwardness I hadn’t felt in so long. I didn’t know what it meant, only that it signaled something new was happening, so I said yes to driving two hours to meet up with him the next day.
The theme with me lately is that my relationships with men seem to be more about prompting more expressions creativity than romance. Spending time together seemed to be mutually beneficial though. My male friend ended up getting a new job and I unleashed a new creative urge to start a live YouTube show called Drinks and Dreams–to bring an entertaining version of depth psychology to the world.
There’s more though. The dream image isn’t just personal. For me, the grey ash storm captures the feeling of the fallout that is to come from all the dismantling that is happening in the world. The grey ash storm captures the intense anxiety that so many young adults feel as they absorb the anticipation of the end of so many things, including potentially the planet and human life.
In my dream, there’s something up ahead as I try to see through the ash storm. Is there something else my male friend represents for me as I continue to unfold? The part of me my male friend represents offers me a plant to take with me. The bouquets of flowers seem to signal celebration right now, but the plant represents something that has sprouted that will continue to grow.
I feel an urgency to pursue my mission to empower people with a framework for self-reflecting, that prioritizes listening to and decoding the messages of Soul sent through our unconscious.
It’s not the mind that will get us out of this mess–personally or collectively. It's not my mind who is in charge anymore, rather my mind is to bring form to what is gestating in my body, a partnership between body and Soul, the feminine and masculine, Heaven and Earth.
There's even more. Again, without saying too much, something new is born within the belly of the glacial volcano, something that is difficult to distinguish from what once lived. Their presence is disturbing and purposeful. The trauma contains the treasure, the answer, for something new to unfold.
I can't help but connect this to the book I just finished reading, a detective novel by Dr. Susan Rowland, titled, The Sacred Well Murders. I just got done recording a podcast interview with Dr. Rowland, which will be released March 20th. Click here to check out Depth of Dose Podcast. When you read it, you'll know what I mean.
Try this: Reflect and Journal
Have you ever gone back to the theater to see the same movie multiple times? Is there a TV series that you’ve watched repeatedly? Journal about specific characters or scenes that intrigue you, along with their impact on your emotions or body. Your unconscious draws on certain images to prompt the exploration of something beneath the surface. The sixth time I viewed Alita Battle Angel, upon viewing the last scene where Nova, played by Edward Norton, takes off his goggles, I was surprised when I gasped and whispered aloud, Father God is going down. I was in the process of reconciling my sexuality and spirituality.
Can you think of a film or TV show that had a dramatic effect on you? What was the genre or the story arc, which characters moved you, and was there a character that mirrored a part of you desperate for attention? Feeling both disdain and admiration for a character can indicate that you need to express something healthy that feels negative or morally wrong. I came of age in the 1980s, a time of great progress for women and equally severe backlash. I found myself joining tens of thousands of women who cheered for Thelma and Louise as they drove off the cliff, choosing death over oppression.
Which movies or shows from your youth do you think contributed to your attitude about yourself, others, and the world? If you’re in the middle of a crisis, what movies or shows are helping you through the transition? When my daughter had her mini-meltdown first semester at college, she watched Rock of Ages six times in four days. Of course! I eventually figured out. The main story arc is about coming of age as a young adult. The first time your experiences don't line up with your hopes and dreams, it feels devastating. The film helped her process her experience.
A Resource for Doing Depth-Oriented Coaching on Yourself
Your Soul/unconscious/psyche is speaking to you all the time, but do you hear it, and can you decode its messages? Are you ready to learn the language of the unconscious? Let me teach you, in my book Your Soul is Talking. Are You Listening? 5 Steps to Uncovering Your Hidden Purpose. If you're ready for one-on-one coaching, email me at email@example.com to schedule a FREE 30-minute chat to determine if I'm a match OR just to get a start on working a dream.
As always, thank you for reading my writing and sharing it with others who might find pieces of their lives in my stories.
Until next time!