The Gift of Overwhelm: How Learning the Right Lesson Can Become the Wrong Lesson
- Deborah Lukovich
- Apr 13
- 6 min read
The other day, I had an exhilarating networking chat with someone new. It was one of those rare conversations that stimulated my body, mind, and soul.
The next day, I realized that I was preoccupied not with the substance of our conversation, but with this comment the man made about being overwhelmed. That it was a gift.
What?!
It percolated in my inner world for days, until now, when my mind could articulate the insight that was trying to reach me.
C.G. Jung, one of the founders of depth psychology, defined synchronicity as the intersection of something in our inner world with something in our outer world that produces a subjectivley meaningful insight. The smallest incident can act as a potentially powerful synchronistic event, and that one comment by this man reached into my unconscious to spark a new insight about myself that might be relevant in your life, too.
My Relationship with Overwhelm.
My first memory of feeling overwhelmed is when I was in fifth grade. I was terribly insecure and self-conscious, so much so, that I couldn't look most people in the eye. I remember drowning in my experience of having to sit directly across from a boy named Darren. It was as if a powerful presence flowed through his eyes right into my soul. I couldn't handle it.
Perhaps that experience of overwhelm is what led me to turn outward. From then on, I was driven by the pursuit of freedom through independence. I felt trapped growing up, and I sought freedom in work and entrepreneurial pursuits, including babysitting and a part-time job at a dental center in high school. For decades on, I was in constant motion, leaping forward, setting and achieving professional and personal goals. I was obsessed with gaining knowledge and turning around and inspiring others. I did many things that terrified me because I was just driven to do them.
Without knowing it, over time, I eventually became trapped in my own life. One day, I heard a little whisper from my inner world that something had changed in my life, but I only scratched the surface. I became busier and manic, as I sought to understand what was missing in my life. Sure, I went a little deeper, learning how to meditate, but my habit was to pursue answers in the outside world. But I also felt alive as I enthusiastically continued pursuing all the things I wanted.
What I didn't realize was that my manic nature was keeping me in denial of some important things happening in my life, specifically in my marriage. In hindsight, I can pinpoint the moment when overwhelm forced me to surrender just enough for the most powerful synchronicity of my life to do its magic.
What Does Overwhlem Want From You?
It was the smallest moment that brought the biggest insight. During a pause, I recognized a pattern, and for some reason chose to respond in the opposite way I usually did. Instead of talking my way through the situation, I closed my mouth, turned and walked away. I was led to a magazine and the logo for Pacifica Graduate Institute, where I felt led to pursue an MA/PhD in depth psychology for unknown reasons.
In order to learn the lessons my midlife unraveling was offering, I had to surrender control totally. I had to let go of my mind's ideas about who I was and even what I thought I wanted in life. During this phase of my life, overwhlem was meant to get my mind to relinquish control. Since the mind is defensive in nature, meaning it wants to affirm and confirm what it's used to in the way of beliefs and patterns, my unconscious basically had to overload my mind to get it to pull back enough for me to expand and grow my way into a new phase of life.
The Dark Side of a Good Thing
Fast forward. I totally let go of so many things, including my professional identity and my definition of success. I challenged conventional ideas about dating in my fifties, even got swept up in the most ironic romantic experience with a man seventeen years younger. I quit a job that paid me six-figures without having a new job, and embarrassingly found myself doing odd jobs like landscaping and bartending for nine months to pay my bills. I had to deal with the shame of not being able to afford my house anymore, and eventually even got up the courage to move to a beach town and start my life over again.
My new life began to take shape. I secured my PhD, published a book about depth psychology, launched my Dose of Depth podcast, and became a depth psychology coach. I was feeling great until I couldn't get to the next level.
Three months ago, during another chat, a fellow coach saw what I couldn't see. I had become attached to the idea that feeling overwhlemed meant I should pull back because I couldn't trust my mind. In fact, I found myself saying, "I get easily overwhelmed," for no reason at all. I guess I had learned the right lesson, but now I needed to learn a new lesson, or more likely, to develop a more nuanced relationship with overwhlem.
Overwhelm As An Invitation to Harness a Deeper Wisdom
It is true that overwhelm prompted me to give in enough to allow a sychronicity to drive the most irrational decision in my life to pursue a MA/PhD program at fifty. My mind would have never allowed that because I didn't have a "good enough reason." It is also true that I began to reaspond to overwhelm by slowing my mind down, resting, and allowing guidance from my unconscious to inform decisions that always turned out to be the right thing.
My response to overwhelm became a key strategy to navigate my midlife unraveling and reconstruction, but as with all our patterns, they become entrenched and can turn dark and limiting where they once were light and allowed for expansion. I went inward and now I'm ready to unleash out into the world again.
How am I changing my response to overwhelm? It was quite easy actually. When I start feeling a hint of overwhelm, I proclaim out loud: "I'm on top of things." Or, I might say, "I know exactly what to do today."
These are affirmations, and they work. Whether you prefer a spiritual or neuroscience framework the result is the same. You must be who you want to become. You must walk toward your vision from the emotional state of already having your vision.
Try This:
If you're feeling overwhelmed, it can be overwhelming to even think about it. Pull out a journal or a Word document and jut start writing. Don't try to make sense of things.
Start by closing your eyes, taking a breath, and noticing what you notice. A memory might come up. You might want to set an intention that you would like to find the deeper meaning of overwhelm in your life. Then just see what comes up. It might be an image, a memory, a movie, a song, a scene. If writing isn't working, try drawing.
Active imagination is a great way to have a dialogue with whatever emotion is bothering you. Try my Guided Meditation with Active Imagination.
To explore the deeper meaning of your images, try the Associations Method. You can listen to Chapter 16 from my Soul book on Dose of Depth podcast.
Other Resources
I've recently circled back to Dr. Joe Dispenza to rewire some of my habits that got me where I am but need to be leveled up to get me to my next phase. Here are a couple of his YouTube videos.
Explore and learn the language of your unconscious in my book, Your Soul is Talking: Are You Listening?
Hire me as your teacher and accountability partner. Visit my Services page.
Be sure to subscribe to my email list to get notifications of new free content and updates on my services.
Thanks for being a self-reflecting human!
Dr. Deborah Lukovich
Comments