What Does It Mean to Be Sovereign? The Sigma Female

Deborah Lukovich
38 minutes ago
13 min read

Exploring the mysterious connection between sexuality, spirituality, and creative expression continues to draw me in. It's not like I wake up in the morning thinking about it, but the universe keeps gifting me people and experiences that spark my nerdy mind and hungry soul.

Recent events and spontaneous preoccupations have led me to connect dots and become aware of new patterns that I might not have seen if not for my midlife unraveling. There's nothing like being stripped down psychologically and spiritually to make it clear that surrendering to the Self, the bridge to the Divine, is the only way forward if you crave authenticity.

Once you get a taste of what it feels like for creative intelligence to flow through you, there's a heightened sense of responsibility to contribute to the expansion of consciousness, which is always about love.

Enjoy my current musings about the topic. At the end of my post are links to earlier posts and podcast episodes related to the mascline and feminine, the intertwining nature of sexuality and spirituality, its connection to creative expression, and how patriarchal systems are breaking down to make way for the healing of the split between the feminine and masculine.

The Sigma Female

My mind, body, and soul have been possessed by the YouTube algorithm. The first video teased me (click here to get a taste). As I learned about this new kind of woman, what some refer to as the Sigma Female, it was like reading my astrology birth chart, or my numerology profile, or the book on introversion which helped me understand the depth with which I experience my experience of being human.

"I'm not crazy!" I proclaimed.

As an INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging), apparently my psychological type is rare, which means I live life not being understood by most people. Thankfully, being a misfit is finally an edge, and now there's even a name for why and how I perceive things that others do not: neurodivergence.

The more I learn, the more I'm inspired to embody the Sigma Female fully. I have work to do. Anyway, for weeks, I havent been able to get enough of these videos about what could be seen as a new wave of feminism. Without a framework to explore this, however, misunderstanding could lead to further division inside women (between their authentic self and the world around them), between women (who society effectively turns against each), and between women and men.

So, what is a Sigma Female? In a nutshell, she is already whole.

She didn't start out that way, though. Through her suffering, whatever that looked like for her, she eventually learned to meet her own psychological needs. A Sigma Female doesn't need a man (or other human) to complete her. Her sense of worth is rooted in her relationship with Self. Praise doesn't elevate her and criticism doesn't destablize her. This means she cannot be emotionally manipulated.

From a depth psychology perspective, the Sigma Female has worked through her complexes, is actively seeking to take back projections onto others, and has developed the capacity to slow down and observe her experience of life rather than be controled by it. She's not perfect, and she's not a robot; she's just steady and able to recover from triggering experiences faster than most people.

From a spiritual perspective, external events and the actions of others (Satan) do not disturb her sense of inner peace. When someone crosses a line, she will respond by protecting her energy, which she values more than pleasing or rescuing others. From a neuroscience perspective, the Sigma Female has learned to regulate her emotions and teach her body to feel safe in uncertainty. From a quantum theory perspective, the Sigma Female is able to slip into the void, from which creative expression emerges.

Why are these women showing up more and more right now? Is it just certain women, or is becoming a Sigma Female something any woman could pursue as a path? I don't know the answer yet, but I suspect it's the latter, and C.G. Jung's theory of individuation could be a helpful framework.

You could say that after centuries of patriarchal systems that oppressed women (and Others), liberation came in waves, and perhaps now we are circling back to what was natural before patriarchy took hold and was reinforced by some religious doctrine. Patriarchy manifests as systems based on scarcity, hierarchy, and exploitation. But there was a time before patriarchy, when there was reverence for the feminine and the union between the masculine and femine, including sexual union. Women's bodies were respected, and I sense today's women remember this in their own bodies.

As part of this seeming new wave of feminism, many women realize they do not need men the way that women before them needed men, especially economically. They are free (not all, of course), and when women are truly free, what does a man have to offer? I'll touch on this in a bit.

Artemis, The Greek Goddess of the Hunt, the Moon and Protector of Girls and Women

When I was doing my research on women's experience of reconciling sexuality and spirituality through the lens of C.G. Jung's theory of individuation, I discovered that the Greek Goddess Artemis had always been present in my life. Perhaps the Sigma Female is the modern embodyment of this sovereign goddess.

In Goddesses in Everywoman: Powerful Archetypes in Women’s Lives (1984/2014), psychiatrist and Jungian analyst Jean Shinoda Bolen describes the complex and multi-dimensional nature of Artemis. She is relationship oriented in an unselfish way, lessening the suffering of women in labor, rescuing her mother and other women from rape, protecting pre-adolescent girls, and even protecting the honor of the feminine.

The story of Actaeon, the hunter who offended Artemis by looking at her naked body without permission, is interesting to me because she does not kill him directly. Rather she turns him into what his own hunting dogs would attack as prey. In contrast to the many Biblical stories that blame women for men’s sexual transgressions, in this story Actaeon is responsible for and suffers the consequence of his lack of respect for Artemis’s sexual nature, which is not to be co-opted.

The most distinguishing feature of Artemis is that she is a virgin (not sexually) in the sense that she does not require marriage or a man to be fulfilled or whole. She is independent and a protector of women, especially young women who still have that feisty energy, and her female nymphs run free and unhampered by the conventions of society. Whereas she is independent and does not marry, she does in fact fall in love with Orion, relating to him as friend and lover. She was known to have a competitive spirit, which I believe facilitated her connection with Orion.

Artemis seems to embody what might be considered masculine traits, which means the masculine does not necessarily need to be represented by a god or a male. I see Artemis as a kind of loophole in that she embodies a healthy balance of feminine and masculine in goddess form.

I think this trend of women—and maybe men—who have a healthy balance of feminine and masculine traits may just be starting to emerge as women begin to seek to reconnect with their feminine after over-developing their masculine.

Perhaps this is the Sigma Female.

My Path

At some point in my twenties, I convinced myself that royalty was in my bloodline. There was no evidence, but I became certain that I was a princess. Not the self-absorbed, superficial, American style of princess, but more like Anne Hathaway’s character in the 2001 movie “Princess Diaries.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but this was how my unconscious guided me to transcend my family’s limited circumstances to become something I couldn’t envision at the time. That belief inspired me to hold myself to higher standards of behavior, and from then on, I knew that what I modeled mattered.

Decades later, during my midlife unraveling, a random past-life regression exercise revealed that I was suffocating from my mother’s desperate need to prove she was a better mother than her own abusive mother. This awareness helped me make sense of my aversion to fitting in, whether it was a corporate work culture, or someone else’s ideas about me. Contemplating other childhood experiences affirmed my passion for advocating for women and other marginalized groups. The spirit of Artemis had been in the background the whole time.

It wasn’t until I answered the call to pursue an MA/PhD in depth psychology that I found meaning in the second part of the past-life regression activity. This is from my memoir, When Sex Meets God: A Midlife Unraveling:

The facilitator had asked, “Imagine your life before you were born, before you entered this human body.”

I remembered standing before an ancient wooden door adorned with beautiful, intricate carvings. I watched as my hand slowly pushed the heavy door open, feeling its rough texture. Looking down, I admired the gorgeous, flowing gown I wore, made of ocean-blue fabric, and the sandals reminiscent of those worn in ancient Greece.

A crowd gathered around me. They were waiting for me to speak, but I stood there, self-conscious, unsure of what to say.

Weeks later, during the campus visit, one final activity felt like another puzzle piece. My hyper-intellect was tested again as the professor guided us in a dream council.

In my book, I recall that I had asked my imagination to invite someone from my ancestry to attend the dream council. A tanned couple showed up, and I noticed the woman was wearing the same blue dress from my past life regression.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Something has been taken from our family.”

“What?” I asked softly, feeling humble.

“The love shared between a man and a woman.”

This moved me deeply, but I didn’t know what it meant for my life. Eventually, I went on to research women’s experience of reconciling sexuality and spirituality through C.G. Jung’s theory of individuation. I learned that there was a time when the union between the masculine and feminine was revered, when the sexual union of women and men was revered. In fact, there was a time when women were seen as the portal to the divine through sexual union.

Today, Men Need to Be Liberated More than Women

We now know that patriarchy, which is driven by scarcity, is anything but natural. This is what is breaking down right now. Patriarchy has trained men to suppress what it means to be human. Patriarchy has turned men into victims, which is the opposite of sovereignty. The more women adapt to men, the weaker men become.

This affirms the importance of women’s sovereignty.

I remember a couples counseling session during the unraveling of my marriage. The woman counselor, who my husband and I both respected, asked my husband to reflect on why he had been drawn to me. He said, “I liked the idea of Deb.” Inside, my eyes popped out of my head. “The idea of Deb?” I repeated in my mind. Had I been a mere novelty to the man I spent twenty-four years with?

My husband was drawn to my independent and rebellious ways, yet in the end, he was not secure enough to be my partner.

This is men’s patriarchal wound. The more I adapted by diminishing my energy, the more I sensed he felt threatened by my very existence. If you haven’t seen the movie “Crazy Rich Asians,” there’s a poignant line. The Asian woman who is accustomed to wealth says to her husband of a lower socio-economic class, “It is not my job to make you feel better about yourself.”

My life got more interesting from there.

My first post-divorce relationship was with a man seventeen years younger. Interestingly, this man mirrored back the need for me to reclaim my feminine. He was wonderfully open and inspired me to become more meandering in my life. I felt bodily sensations and passion I had never felt before just kissing and laying naked with this man, and during a time of limited intimacy, I exploded in pleasure simply meditating in solitutde. Our transformative relationship forced me to reconcile my inner conflict between sexuality and spirituality.

The relationship ended, but that’s not the point, and neither is what he took away from our encounter. He facilitated the connection to my Soul. You see, it’s not about gender. He was more in touch with his feminine than I was.

That was years ago. Since then, I’ve found new purpose as a depth psychology coach, author, and host of Dose of Depth podcast. And I recently published my crazy story in a memoir.

Cick here to learn more, access thoughtful reviews, and purchase When Sex Meets God: A Midlife Unraveling.

I’m truly free! There are no excuses for me not to rise to the role my Soul wants me to play.

The Role of the Sigma Female in Men's Growth

As usual, my unconscious has plunged me into experiential learning to spark awareness and deepen my understanding of the impact I have on some men. It's too early to share more, but The concept of the Sigma Female reminds me of C.G. Jung's theory of anima (feminine, Soul) and animus (masculine, Spirit).

Other Jungians went on to expand his theory, which had been trapped in the stereotypes of the day, but essentially, Jung suggested that a man's intense attraction to a woman mirrored back his need to relate to his own Soul.

Not realizing this, many men project their soul onto their romantic partner, idolizing a woman and then being suprised when she "behaves" out of character. Likewise, when women aren't aware that there is some projection going on, they begin to expect to stay on that pedestal.

So, what does it look like when a Sigma Female encounters a man whose unconscious is prompting him to explore parts of himself that he has ignored or that he's ready to meet? It might go something like this:

The Man: "I've never met a woman like you before." He's genuinely surprised and intrigued.

Sigma Female: "I know," she smiles. She's not being arrogant, she simply knows it's the truth.

The Man: “I feel like you’re talking to my soul. I don't usually share these things. You inspire me to be more than I am."

Sigma Female: "I can have that effect." She doesn't elaborate. She doesn't brag. She's just honest about her awareness. Inside, she realizes what her presence has sparked in him, and she feels responsible for how to use it. Her body feels the weight of the potentially transformative energy between them. She doesn't get swept up, and yet she is also not in control, nor does she wnat to be. The Sigma Female recognizes there is something deeper going on inside her, too.

The Man: From here, he may fall hard or possibly feel off kilter. He might compensate by trying to take control of the situation and himself. This can manifest in different ways. He might try what has worked on other women, for example complimenting her looks. "You look good," he might say genuinely.

Sigma Female: "Thank you," she smiles. Where other women are elevated and feel validated by his compliment, the Sigma female is unmoved, but polite. She simply doesn't need that kind of validation.

The Man: Calling on his masculine energy, he might go on to express his attraction more intensely. "I want you," he might offer or some version of communicating he wants to have sex with her.

Sigma Female: She is not worried about whether men are attracted to her. She is more interested in the deeper meaning of sexual attraction, and her body will tell her if there is any. If mysterious depth is present, her inner world will light on fire, and she will remain interested.

The Man: He may pull back at some point, potentially overwhelmed by her lack of usual response to his advances. Or he might try to unconsciously manipulate her, test her, by withholding his attention.

Sigma Female: She gives him space to ponder what is happening. She doesn't need his attention, but she may hope that he is up for a new experience, because she realizes she also grows through relationship with men who are ready and open to grow, too.

No matter what happens, the Sigma Female will have had a lasting impact on the man, and she will have learned more about herself as well, and this is what drives her.

Exploring this in Yourself Can Enhance Your Purpose

It’s easy for me to empower women. They’re so ready! They just need a little instruction, and I love working with women who embody Artemis and are inspired by the path to becoming sovereign. It's not for most women though, only those who are not needy to be in relationship with men at all. They're ready for an adventure without needing a guarantee of how it will turn out.

I’m even more interested in empowering men. I love helping men realize that their power is in being strong enough to hold space for women, to be their partners, not to save them. Women don’t need saving. In fact, many women are well suited to being the psycho/spritual leaders of men. Once men realize the power in partnering with women, they can release their dependency on the system for their validation.

Instead, women and men can be evolutionary in their impact on the world.

This is not easy work, but I can help.

Women, do you want to become sovereign?

Do you even know that means?

Men, do you want to be liberated from the need to prove you’re sovereign by dominating others? That’s not sovereignty.

Liberation starts with exploring the 80% of you that's driving your life without your knowing it. This is work for the brave souls who sense they're being called to a higher purpose. I can help you shine a light on these parts of yourself without judgment.

This is going to sound crazy, but your answers to these questions are key to transcending all that’s being dismantled right now in the world. Accepting the invitation from your Soul is critical to contributing to humanity's consciousness raising.

Are you in?

Click here to get to my services page and schedule a FREE exploratory chat. I can't wait to know how this post inspired you.