I don’t know where the moon is in its monthly cycle, but this is turning into an interesting week.
Of course, it all started with a dream:
Rob Thomas, the lead singer of Matchbox Twenty and I are in a car.
He’s driving, and we’re listening to his song, Someday.
I say, “I love this song.”
Scene Change
I have to pee so bad!
I find a bathroom,
one that’s like what you would find in campground.
I’m looking for a toilet and I can’t hold it anymore.
Fuck it!
I just pee right on the concrete floor.
I hear someone else coming in,
and I rush to find a toilet to finish up.
I couldn’t wait to dig in. I had gone weeks without remembering a dream, and I needed one so badly. I count on my dreams to bring me little breadcrumbs and clues that pull me into my unknown future because I’m still a little chicken shit sometimes.
The YouTube video of the song pulled me in, Rob Thomas pulled me in so much I wanted to marry him. The images of the parade reflecting peace, love, and tolerance; it all plunged into the deepest parts of me. I cried. It had been so long since I had a cry. I was so excited! What did Rob Thomas represent for me? Why did the lyrics speak to me in this moment and not any other?
The unconscious works in mysterious ways.
My emotional reaction told me there was something significant going on. I’ll save my lecture on the importance of crying for another post. The prior day, I had woken up feeling anxious in a way I haven’t for quite a while. It was such a weird feeling, familiar and unfamiliar. It was a relief to realize it had been some time since I felt the anxiety that had been my constant companion over the past three years.
And then I got it! I am growing the capacity to feel abundant again, that feeling of going after things and not worrying about whether it’s going to work out. I journaled a quick summary of my life: Act 1 had been living life on my terms, ignoring signs along the way, and then it all falling apart; Act 2 has been ten years of unraveling, following an irrational calling to pursue an education for unknown reasons, finding meaning, and surrendering to uncertainty.
Every time I let go, peeling back the layers of protective armor, I was rewarded with joy and pleasure. I had been tricked into the most ironic relationship with a man seventeen years younger. Of course that wasn’t going to work, but it didn’t matter. That relationship facilitated deep connection with my Self, the bridge to Source, which allowed me to unleash creatively.
We always circle back around the old stuff though. I had found new purpose, published a book, launched a podcast, started a business, but then I got nervous all over again. I couldn’t see my way into my unknown future. I longed for the arrogant confidence of my twenties. Damn it! Experience and wisdom were getting in my way. I've been staying small and it's time to go big or go home.
Ah! That was the meaning of peeing, releasing that old need-to-know feeling. I survived the last ten years, in fact, I have been thriving. “Don’t cave now,” I told myself. I’m back, but as an entirely new version of the old me.
Stay tuned for what’s coming! Act 3.
What does all this have to do with ass-kicking?
This week, some clients have needed some ass-kicking, but I wouldn’t have seen it without realizing that I needed to kick my own ass too.
How are you feeling about your life these days?
Do you need someone to kick your ass?
Are you procrastinating something, but you don’t know why?
Are you afraid to end a relationship that you know needs ending?
Do you think you're doing what you're doing for other people when really you're making it about you?
Are you defensive when something doesn’t go your way?
Is rage bubbling up from the surface because
you don’t know how to get out of your self-imposed prison?
Your mind doesn’t have the answer, and simply venting isn’t going to bring the solution. Ninety percent of you is unknown to you. Science backs that up. Read that again. Most of who you are is driven by unconscious forces. If you want to get off the hamster wheel, you’re going to need to learn a whole new language, the language of the unconscious, which speaks through symbols, metaphor, images, emotions, high blood pressure, anxiety, conflict.
You know that saying about how doctors make the worst patients. You need a partner in your life, an expert in the language of the unconscious, a witness to your journey, someone who believes in you more than you do right now.
I’ll kick your ass – in a good way!
Schedule a FREE exploratory chat here. I can’t wait to hear your story.
If you're not ready for a coach, my Soul book will introduce you to all the ways your unconscious is trying to get your attention to explore the deeper meaning of your life. You can buy it on bookshop.org or listen to me read each chapter on Dose of Depth podcast. Here's Chapter 1 - The Discovery of You.